


Blue Star Mania Deuce:  Walf Paradogxica

by BlueStarMania



Series: blue Star Mania [2]
Category: Ars Paradoxica (Podcast), Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 12:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14056881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueStarMania/pseuds/BlueStarMania





	1. Blue Star Mania Deuce:  Walf Paradogxica Chpt 1

henlo, am Communion Officer Dog Eiffel of the  **_U.S.S Hepatitis Station_ ** . Its is day 420 of our mission arund......... well, no longer any star. bcuz Shib3e Inu 359 Blue Up,,,,, it all started when the Sweaty Egg of A mna was running thru the ship showing teh full monty, the whole burrito, tha sassage n bizkits. I weanted a Snake but not lik dis. Da Egg of a Man rubbbed his stump ofa hand against my face repeatedly. seduceively.

 

I, Dot, being the genie that Im, decided to try and solve all problems buy circumfrencing Colon Kermjit the Frog. and it wus around dat tiem, teh ship BLUE UP.


	2. BSMD Walf Paradogxica: Chpt 2

“Where are we?” Hilberto asked russianly as we stud inside a dark, military room. u culd tellit waz a military room by da way it wuz.

“That is for me to need to know, and you to never find out.” teh Weird Slimy guy aske, he was starin at meh with weird-slimy eeys and wuz lickin his lips with a weird slimy-tongue.

“Who da hell r yo?” IsABaller Asked.

“My namm is......… Chester.”

“FUCK YOU CHESTER…?!!!!11”

“diiid somebody said myy name??”

“yus I did… rite then.”

“Oh.,,,,,,”

“rite.”

“Oky.”

“So\ were where we?”

“we r rapdidly aproching teh town of Point of , New Mexico™””


	3. Chapter 3

“wud u gays liek any thin to drinkk?”

 

i looked at him blankly with my eyes as i scratched my arm pits with not my eeys, “Yeah… I want a Cocoa Cola, u know one of the ones from Mexico™.”

“O, u mean on off tha 1s in glass botttle?”

“yeha, th ones frum Mexico™.”

“i think we onnly has the 1s fromm America®.”

“Can u duble chek? i really really really really really realy reaky really want some of da sweet Mexico™ coke.

“I kin look, but em not sure if we can haz anu f teh ones from Mexico™”

The Slimmy Man who’s name wuz Chestee walked out of the room slimily. 

“What are we going to do?” Hallbot asked.

“Howwwwww   
about we kick their asses!!2111!!1!” Is A Baller suggested, pumpin her fits ups an down liek sum kinda NPC frm a bad 90s video game.

 

“Not everything can be solved by violence,” HillBilly said, “We need to solve this logically, with science and reason.”

“Nah, screw dat noisee! Wee ned ta overload their maxipads wit as much stombili as we can! we needs to destroyy teh overlords wit pizza and dingo!!!!. they r goin to fight us on the porch but we’ll take them Str8 back to teh kitshen!!!! we will beat their bootys (AN: not in da fun way XD ;) XD ;) XD) and hand them Jesus Panflets.”

“Yes. Revenge.” Baller,

 

Sufdently, four yung women burst through the door suddenly. They looked the same at each other.

 

“Petra? What are YOU (and you and you and you) doing here?”

 

“I have to freeze the grease”

“Wat is going on here?”

“U, do you know dey wai?”

“What are you?”

“DO U KNOW DEY WAI!?”

 

The Strange Womyn grabbed me by the shoudlers and started shaking me vertically. I died a wittle on the inside as i dropped my mexico™ coke.

 

“Wait, where did you get that Mexico™ Coke from, Officer Eiffel?” Hillbutt asked, confuseddly “Our captor has yet to bring it back.”

“I ummmmm… I’ve always had it?” i sed obviously.

“No, but it is impossible. The coke was not in your hand a moment ago.”

“It’s a bit complicated, you know? It’s like, have you ever owned a VCR and had it rewind only to see something that wasn’t in there before?”

“No.” Hilbert said, like an angry russian.

“Well, man, you really aren’t fucking living! Go the fuck ahead, rewind something on a VCR and watch it very damn closely. Every time you mc’fucking do, some shit shows up that wasn’t there before. It’s just how it fucking works. You rewind and fuckity bam! Shit shows up! Just like that. Every goddamn time. That’s fuckin’ Science, y’know? It has something to do with the Bosons and Quarks. The ups and the downs and the stranges. Man, Science, am I right?”

“No, it is. Science is the exact opposite of this… Who are you to be making such claims?”

“I’m Fucking Doctor Sally. Doctor Sally Goddamn Grissom. You can call me Doctor Fucking Grissom, I invented Goddamn Time Travel. Dr. Grissom’s Amazeballs Time Travel. I’m a Time Traveller. Fuckin’ Doctor Grissom, Time Traveler Extraordinaire.”

“ur mouth words hurt my ear holes.” I sed, “Can u say dat agin in dumb-er words?”

 

“Yeah, sure. Fuck. Um… Science, bitch, how does it work?”

“i always thot it wuz just magic.” I stared at the broken bottle of Meixco™ Coke on the floor. And sobbed to myself. I laidd down in da broken glass n stickky Mexico™ Coke and cryed.

“Ahh shit, don’t cry. You fucking crybaby. We can fix this bullshit!”

 

There wus a sudden flash uf lite n wut can only be dizcribed as da sound of someone travelling beck in time to fix my Meixco™ Coke.

 

“Wuuuh, how…........ my,,,,....,,,,,,,,…. My coke! Mai seet wsweet Mexico™ Coke!1!!!” I was elongated. 

“Fuckin’ time travel, bitch. Easy as pissin’.”

“But how? That doesn’t seem…”

“Don’t question my goddamn fuckass time travel!” Doctor Fucking Sally Grissom Said, “It just fucking works! Christ on a bike, I invented this shit you dickless vomit gradulte!” 

“Hey, you don’t need be so mean.” I said, “Min cow ski, help me!”

 

But Minkowski was still Shook to the max.af.co.uk./domainnamejoke

 

“Sally,” Hallibet said, “We need to come to an understanding here.”

“First of all, motherfucker, it’s fucking Doctor goddamn Sally Grissom to you assholes. Understand that, cunt nugget,” fucking Dr. Goddamn Sally Grissom sed, scientifically.

 

The Door Swung Open and Chesticals walked in.


	4. Chapter 3.5

Shannon Sat quietly on her stoop. Listening quietly to the wind as it blew through the trees. She wondered why she was here, she wondered why they were here. But she did not question it much, as she knew her purpose was to end them.

Shannon could feel it in her bones -- like the ragged teeth of a dog gnawing into the very fiber of the bones eating away at the very fiber of the bones. She was ready for it. She was ready for them. But they didn’t know her -- for she only had three lines..

She climed down from her stoop - she wasn’t afraid to leave her stoop. She had a package to deliver. Or had it already been delieved? Time was weird like that, Shannon knew that. Shannon knew that time was weird. She had to delieve the package.


	5. Chapter 4

sumwher, far away frum Point of Syphilis, New Mexico™™ -- Mr. Cuddlefish wuz standin on da beach. His hair waz swayyin in teh wend, alll super magestic, lookin like a dirty sockpuppet.   
“ :)”  
“i understan that completelly.” The Beartender sed tenderly, “it took alot too get u here. and now ur hear. So letz talk bussiness.”  
“:|” sed mr. kifeboy  
Da Beartender growled “don give me tha face. u knew wut yo were gettin into wen u came here. dats y u came her. If u didnt come here why are u here rite nao?”  
“:D”


	6. Chapter 6

“We have Russian spy!” Hilbear saier  
“Jesus fuck, a Russian spy?!” fucing Doctor goddamn Sally Grissom Said.,.,”Fucking whomst?!”   
“It………….is……….not..me.” KEPLER said subduckivly  
“It’s not me this time either, I swear.” Hilbert said.  
Sudnedly a time thing piece appeared form now here! and Office Eiffel jump out of it.  
“It was me!” he gaspd. the Other Dog that was already there gasped too.  
“We’re the same person! ANd the russian spy!” they both gaspedagain.  
“This mc’fucking reminds me of the shitfuck timesummers/” doctor fucking goddman sally grissom exclmied.  
“Of wut”  
“Efielw hy are you a spy?!?!” isaballer asked.  
“Sometimes shit just happens.” Eiffel shrugged  
“Uh, fuck you???? Sometimes?? People are fucking Russian Spies????? To fucking Cope??????” said dr goddamn fuck grissom  
“Sally do u have something tu tel us?” Chester Cheese askked  
“IT’S FUCKING DOCTOR GODDAM SALLY ASSBALLS GRISSOM YA BUTTSTICK”  
“Yes, but why are you fucking russian spies?”  
“Ass cheese, chester, that’s not what i goddamn meant you fuckwad. The “fucking” was for emphasis, not as the verb form, did you even go to my goddamn cursing lessons you zebra dick?”  
“Zebra dick?” Eiffel Said.   
“Which one?”  
“Yes.”  
“We’ve become meta, this is no good.” Hilbert said.  
“Eiffle, WHY DID YOU BETRAY US?!”  
“I DID NOT DO IT, I DID NAAAAWWWT” (AN: he totes did lolz ;))  
The door swung open and cutter walked in.  
“Oh hai Mark…………..us”  
“(:”  
Cutter luked arund at da crowd, & zen Homer Simpsoned out da door.


	7. Chapter 6

Jacobi was sitting alone in the forest. Why was he in the forest? He didn’t know. He was just there. There was also a small fluffy rabbit. It bounced around curiously -- sniffing everything and bouncing to the next thing.   
Jacobi noticed that the Rabbits were carrying small microphones around their neck. Not just microphones, but all sorts of audio equipment for every kind of recording like background recording dialouge recording sound recording. Every now and then they would set their eyes on a random woodland critter and the most horrible noise would come out of there mouth. The noise could only be described as about 50,000 dollars worth of metal scratching against a fandom.  
“What the actual hell is going on?”

And just like that the rabbits locked eyes on him, they started after him -- there beady little eyes approaching him. There were about 10 of them. Each of them embroiled with a different letter -- like a bunch of drunk football fans spelling out their team name “MERRY TILES”.  
Jacobi dug into his jacket, pulling out The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, pulling the pin and starting to count. Not to five, not to four, not to two, except for to go through to three. When he reached three, he tossed the grenade and everything went blue.


	8. Chapter 7

I, Officer Dog Eiffle, do solemnly swear that I am not actually a russian spy. Even if the future weird doppelganger version of me is. That is not me, I am me. I am certainly me, right? Who else would i be other than me? I am me, that’s all i’ve ever been. If i was not me then i’d not be me. I’d be someone not me. But i’m me.  
But then again, if I wasn’t me, would i know i wasn’t me? Would i just be who i am now but not me without knowing that I wasn't actually me anymore? I mean, what about that thing that happened with Jacobi. He didn’t know he wasn’t not him. So how could i, being me, but not being me, possibly not know that i wasn’t possible even me to begin with… 

Then again, everyone is sort not them anymore… Where even is Hera and Minkowski?


	9. Chapter 8

“Who the hell are you, and how the hell did you get in here?” Tony said  
“:D” His Fur tongue lulled out like a dead slug. Wagging back and forth dead like.   
“That’s not a response…. This is a secure location, how did you get into this…”  
“>:|” The beedy eyes of the fur suit locked on to Tony. glowing a soft dull goul’d light.   
“Step back. Get away from me now!”  
“:D” The Mouth once more opened up, revealing a thousand tiny dagger like teets, that probably weren’t sharp at all because they are made of felt. But it made Tony feel uncomfortable.  
“What do you want from me?!”  
“¯\\_(ツ)_/¯”

Tony tripped back over something, smashing his head against something. A small monitor opened up and a screen showing times appeared.

“:O :) >:D” Cuttlerly’s mask opened and closed in several motions. It wanted to eat Tony. it wanted to absorb him into the suit, to become one with the rest of the suit. Cutter would become Tony. He would become cuttony.


	10. Chapter 9

(AN:i had da most amazing dream that wus this chapter -- it waz amazzzzzing and invollved eveyrone bein saved. I don’t remember how, but that how).


	11. Chapter 10

“You know, I never did take a shower after being sticky from life before.” Hilber said as Is A Baller danced around him drunkenly.   
“Me either. But i haven’t seen a shower here in a long time.”  
“There is always the possiblity that we could stand outside in the rain.”  
“What even is rain? When was the last time it rained here?”  
“I know it rained down in Africa.  
“Yeah I blessed them.”  
Someone started knocking on the door and Hilber approached the door. He reached his hand out towards the door, touching the door. The door was definatly a door. He turned the door handle. The door opened and there stood cuttony. cuttony had a gayboy in his hand. 

Cuttony was playing Teetris. Or was it Cuttony’s Blocks. Hilbert didn’t know but he didn’t care to know either. He was sickened buy the lulling dead slug of a tongue and the black burnt suit of fur that he wore. 

“What are… what even are you? You are some horrible amalgam of two separate characters from different universes. This is not right at all. This is truly the darkest of timelines.”

“:D :D :D :D :D” cuttony 

“Did you vore Tony?” Is a Baller said, “How dare you?!”

“How do you even know who tony is? You have never seen him once.” Halber

“:D :D :D :D”


	12. Chapter 11

“This is it! This is the time piece! It’s sorta all kinds of fucked up right now -- nothing that a little bit of flux capacitor magic and knowhow can’t fix. But i’m missing a very important part. It’s something that nobody here could have ever expected. It’s a god damn switch!”

“A Switch?” Not-Russian Spy Eiffle said, “I think i might know someone who has one of those.” 

 

And Then The Time Piece Blue Up.


End file.
